I've come across some ridiculous sewing patterns and model styling lately so I wanna share the LOLings with you. These are all currently available patterns, by the way. Shall we jump right in?
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KWIK SEW 0108: "CHARMING COTTAGE"
I find it ironic that this fabric-eating beast is a "Kwik" Sew pattern (the website unfortunately won't even tell you the yardage you need). I mean, you've already spent enough time on your daughter's gender socialization with the pink bedroom and ballet lessons. No need to sew her a HOUSE made of RUFFLES. This thing rests over a card table, with a storage box on top (that you also sew) to hold up the roof. OK let's think about this. What is this three-foot-tall child supposed to do crouched under a two-foot-tall card table? She can't even pretend to cook & vacuum in there! Please, ma, save yourself the trouble of appliqueing that felt mailbox.
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KWIK SEW 3932: COLORBLOCK DRESS
Hey, I like a good colorblocked dress. This color palette reminds me of something, though....
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MCCALLS 6597: GIRLS JACKET VEST AND SKIRT
No one will suspect for a second that these are handmade clothes. "So, you used how many different quilting cotton prints here?"
Let's not even talk about the gnomes.
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MCCALLS 3880: WRAP...?
This is a great multi-purpose item. Use it as a tablecloth in your foyer, or as a body temperature-regulating cape after you cross the finish line of your first half-marathon!
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BUTTERICK 5747: "RETRO" DRESS AND BELT
The line drawing looks pretty cute, actually.
But then you see the collar dimensions in real life. In cornflower yellow.
So is this retro, or...
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KWIK SEW 3431: PET... STUFF
I love how these three items have nothing to do with one another, but are all equally impractical. A yorki in a COLLARED DENIM JACKET, with the whole nine yards of flat-felled seams and tabs. And can we please get a YouTube video of Maru rolling around uncontrollably in that cylindrical pet bed?
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MCCALLS 6240 DRESS
I think I could see where a waterproof prom dress would come in handy.
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SIMPLICITY 2358: MESSENGER BAGS
A messenger bag for the manly men in our lives. Cool hat, brah.
I tried finding real Fed Ex fabric online just in case some of you wanted to use this pattern to live out that delivery-man fantasy of yours, but I couldn't source it, sorry.
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SIMPLICITY 2208 FLEECE JACKETS
Good, I needed a way to recycle my old wine corks.
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And here are just some fun model poses while we're at it:
McCalls 6608 Skirt
McCalls 6612 Dress
Vogue 1304 Dress
McCalls 6606 Tops
Vogue 8817 Dress
McCalls 6614 Jackets
Beyond thrilled to be in love, these two.
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Have you found any gems of your own lately, or am I the only one chuckling away at JoAnn's pattern book table?
Oh, and another important question: which of those poses should I try next time I model a handmade garment on my blog?
